Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
