Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
