There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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