I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
