someone threw a dead crab at me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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