Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
