I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
this is an emotional support booty call
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
