In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize