You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
