and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
