@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
