sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
