it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
