so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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