i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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