she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
