Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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