just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize