I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
