He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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