My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
