omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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