next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
