the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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