I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
