There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He? As in you personified your dick?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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