mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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