he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
