Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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