U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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