Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize