I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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