wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
