you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
