You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize