Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
