I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
