My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
