I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
