Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
