Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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