I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
