Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
