I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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