Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize