I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
