I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
