rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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