I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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