I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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