I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
