I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
