Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
