I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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