New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
