You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
