There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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