Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
