The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize