I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize