I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
