I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
