you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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