Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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