While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
