he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize