Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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