Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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