I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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