So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
