i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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