I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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