Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were trust falling into bushes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize